From Monsters to Meltdowns- Is your Child Catastrophising?
Oct 03, 2024
Remember those carefree childhood days when your biggest worry was choosing between the red or blue crayon? If you do, you probably had a pretty happy upbringing. These days, though, things look a little different.
Over my two decades in childcare, I’ve noticed a huge shift in how kids play—and how they worry. Anxiety is on the rise, and more and more children are falling into catastrophic thinking patterns.
But what does that actually mean?
What’s Catastrophic Thinking, Anyway?
Classic catastrophic thinking is your four-year-old getting a tiny scratch and wailing their entire arm is going to fall off.
It's where small things suddenly seem HUGE and terrifying in their little minds, such as hearing a noise in the night and being convinced there’s a monster creeping down the hallway.
While some imagination is healthy and normal, obsessing over every little thing, real or imaginary, isn't. But what’s worrying is that a lot of their concerns aren't all in their head. Today’s kids are more aware of real dangers too—thanks to the news, social media, and our own well-meaning warnings.
We might think we’re just preparing them for the big, bad world, but if we’re not careful, we’re actually making them expect disaster around every corner.
How Do I Know if My Child is a Catastrophiser?
It's not likely your child will ever come out and say, “Mum, I’m catastrophising!”
Instead, you’ll see it in their behaviour and hear it in their words. Maybe they’re suddenly terrified of grandma’s house because they’re convinced she’ll serve that broccoli soup they hate. Or they refuse to go out because what if they trip and fall again?
They may complain about vague aches and pains, avoid activities they used to love, or cling to you for dear life when it’s time to leave.
The red flags? Listen for phrases like:
🔹 “It’s the worst day EVER!”
🔹 “I hate that place!”
🔹 “I’ll NEVER get it right!”
If these over-the-top statements sound familiar, your child could be falling into catastrophic thinking.
What Triggers Catastrophic Thoughts in Kids?
It’s not just Halloween ghosts and ghouls that send kids into a spin. Everyday things—like starting school, going on a playdate, or even getting a new sibling—can seem like huge threats to them.
And if they've been through a family illness or divorce, they may worry every sneeze or argument means more bad news.
Even getting lost in the supermarket can snowball into “I’ll never see my Mum and Dad again!”
Unfortunately, this can create a vicious cycle: catastrophic thoughts lead to anxiety, and anxiety feeds more catastrophic thoughts, until your little one is a bundle of nerves.
Why Does This Happen?
Our brains are hardwired to look for danger—it’s what kept our ancestors safe from predators. But now, instead of watching for sabre tooth tigers, our kids’ brains go into overdrive with every unfamiliar or uncomfortable situation. They don’t have the experience to know what’s a real threat and what’s just a passing worry. And unlike adults, they can’t say, “Oh, this is just anxiety talking.” Instead, it’s full-on panic mode.
How You Can Help Calm the Storm
So, what can you do when your child’s imagination is more horror movie than happy ending?
Start by acknowledging their feelings without feeding into their fears. A a great first step would be saying things like, “I understand you’re worried, but let’s look at what's real” (use facts to explain situations that are age appropriate, so you child can relate and understand). From there, try these tips:
- Get Them Talking 🎤: Let them voice their concerns—no matter how silly they may sound. Create a safe space where they can express their feelings freely.
- Encourage Imaginative Play 🧸: Kids process their emotions through play. Give them the chance to role-play and explore scenarios, whether it’s battling their fears as a superhero or talking things out with their toys.
- Cut Down on Media Exposure 📺: Monitor what they’re watching and keep the news or any frightening stories out of earshot. It’s hard to process global disasters when you’re just learning your ABCs!
- Use Positive Language 🗣️: Reinforce their resilience and capability. Instead of saying, “Don’t be scared,” try, “I know you’re brave and can handle this.”
- Teach Relaxation Techniques 🌬️: Show them some simple deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, meditation, hypnosis or even a simple visualisation—like imagining clouds floating through the sky—to calm their minds.
By guiding them through their worries and helping them focus on the present moment, you can turn those “What if?” fears into “I can handle it!” affirmations.
You can find my full article, Catastrophising Kids in this Autumns issue of Mums & Tots magazine, on sale now.
Access the digital version here Digital Magazine Mums & Tots
A Final Thought: Keep Play Playful
Today’s kids are missing out on the carefree, imaginative play that we grew up with. They’re swapping outdoor adventures for screen time, which leaves less room for safely exploring their emotions. Encourage your child to get back to the basics of play, whether it’s building dens with blankets, pretending to be pirates, or just running around the garden (ideally children need at least three hours of outdoor play a day). Through play, they’ll learn to overcome fears, express themselves, and discover that the world isn’t as scary as it seems.
If you can't stop those 'What if fears' yourself, and you feel the world is a scary place, Chaos to Calm -STOP CATASTROPHISING is a Mini Hypnosis and EFT Course, that can help you overcome those catastrophic thoughts and calm your nervous system, all from the comfort of your own home chaos-to-calm-stop-catastrophising
Much love Muma, Em x
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