Motherhoods like strapping into the ultimate rollercoaster—filled with twists, turns, and the occasional loop-de-loop of emotions? Some days it’s exciting, others it’s just scary stuff.

We’ve all been there, holding onto our metaphorical hats and wondering, “Is it just me, or is this ride wilder than expected?”

I know firsthand how difficult juggling work with motherhood can be. That’s why Mumatherapy® became a thing back in 2012. I wanted to create a space for mums like us to support each other, find balance, and rock this motherhood and work combo.

A lot of life has got in my way since I started. There’s been ups and downs and stand stills. And I know you know those feelings all too well.

So, in honour of Parental Mental Health Day on January 27th this week’s blog is here with some proactive parenting tips to help you brave the crazy roller-coaster of being a working mum.

Here’s 7 Proactive Parenting tips to help you!

PRO TIP#1 – Feeling Overwhelmed? Just Do One Small Thing!

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, then just do something. Even if it scares you. In fact, especially if it scares or overwhelms you. Pick the worst task on your list and do one small thing to tackle it. It’s surprising how this micro step can make a huge difference.

PRO TIP#2 – Feeing Peed Off? Be Loving!

Forgive those who’ve peed you off and forgive yourself for your mistakes. Have some compassion for those you encounter and especially show yourself some compassion too!

Has someone peed you off today?

Send them some loving vibes. I bet they need them right now. You’ll feel amazing afterwards. It has to be better than sticking pins in a voodoo doll, right?

Now you’ve got the momentum going, let’s get braver!

PRO TIP#3 – On Auto Pilot Mode-Become More Self Aware

Self-awareness is like having a little chat with yourself about who you are, what makes you tick, and why you do the things you do. It’s tuning into your emotions, strengths, and even the not-so-great bits. It’s basically knowing yourself inside out. So, when the chaos of mum life hits, you’ve got this inner guide helping you navigate.

When we’re busy, as mums are, we don’t stop to think in the heat of the moment about how we react and how that may affect our children. That’s what we call auto pilot parenting-it happens to all of us.

It takes time and energy to stop, become aware and reflect on your behaviour. And it’s uncomfortable to do too.

But breaking this auto pilot habit is a game changer. All you need to do is

1. Notice what you do or say.
2. Work out why you do it.
3. Spot when it happens.
4. Catch yourself right before it kicks off.
5. Decide not to engage in autopilot mode.

Easy peasy, right?

Not exactly. If it was, we would all be riding the fun train. But with practice, it does become another automatic habit that replaces auto pilot parenting for present parenting. To read more about this, take a look at my book The Powerful Proactive Parent’s Guide to Present Parenting

It helps to keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings so you can reflect on the 5 points above. This can be so illuminating. Just grab a journal and jot down each instance when you overreact to your child’s behaviour. Include the circumstances that led up to that reaction and how your child responded to your reaction. When you record those moments, you can spot any sneaky patterns. Like, does the morning rush to work make you snappy with your child, or is it the tired, winding down evenings that spark frustration?

Understanding your motives and why you react the way you do is the key to making positive changes.

PRO TIP#4 – High Expectations - Be Human

Today we are all striving but never arriving. Why? Because we keep moving the goalposts.

Everything must be better, bigger and more spectacular than the last. We just aren’t satisfied. It’s got to be perfect.

Sadly, nothing is ever perfect, so go easy on yourself and others. Don’t expect to produce perfect work and be a perfect mum all the time. This just sets you up to fail. And don’t expect your child / boss/ partner /dog or the postie to be perfect, either. We are all human.

We all make mistakes. Be patient with yourself and others.

It’s our imperfections that make us who we are. Think about the quirks you admire in friends. They probably aren’t perfect, but they may own those imperfections like a badge of honour. I have one friend who's proud of being unpredictable and disorganized, and another friend who's always early and obsessed with organizing, and I love them both the same.  I expect them to be that way now. I don’t expect my disorganised friend to start planning our get together, and that’s fine by me.

When I was working in sales, the saying was ‘you’re only as good as your last sale.’ And this could’ve actually held me back, as I became afraid of doing a really big sale because I knew I’d be setting a high bar that I’d have to keep on exceeding and that thought was daunting. Instead, I showed up as the best, most helpful version of me, so the customer got all the facts and got a product they actually needed, not an overpriced one that had all the bells and whistles they may never use. And luckily my approach led me to be very successful in sales because customers trusted me. I probably wasn’t a perfect salesperson, but I was certainly being human. When you feel under pressure at work, shift your focus on serving others.

I’ve always found, service, not sales, is the key to success in business.

PRO TIP#5 -Multitasking Doesn’t Work -Be Present

Wherever you are, be there! Not just in body, but in mind and soul. That means if you are at work, stay present and focused on the work in front of you. When you’re home with your family, be present in that moment, whatever you’re doing together. Forget work deadlines, emails or upcoming meetings. This is especially so if you’re an entrepreneur or solopreneur.

There never seems to be a cutoff point from work. But that’s exactly how burn out occurs. Pushing yourself even after work hours (what are they?) will leave you running on empty. And then you’ll have no energy for anything.

If you’re juggling a million things at once, stop!

Turns out, our brains aren’t big fans of multitasking. Studies say it can mess with our productivity, make us more error-prone, and even stress us out. So, maybe it’s okay to give ourselves a break and focus on one thing at a time. Let’s be human and ditch the multitasking chaos.

Your time is worth more to you than your wages ever will.

You can always make more money, but you can never make more time. Once it’s spent, it’s gone forever. Stay present!

PRO TIP#6– The Perfect Parent Trap- Don’t Compare

Ever found yourself in the ‘Perfect Parent Trap’?

You know, comparing your parenting skills or your kids with others?

It happens to the best of us. Let’s break free from the idea of a ‘Perfect Parent’ or ‘Perfect Child’—because, in reality, who sets those standards anyway?

You may secretly envy ‘Perfect Pete,’ the post-gym guru looking sharp at the school gates, working all day, and lunching with friends. Or perhaps you fancy being a bit more like ‘Super Stay at Home Sue,’ juggling everything from baking for the school fete to being a full-time carer to her ailing parents, five kids, three dogs, and a husband.

We’ve all got our role models, right?

Or those that just get on our nerves because they seem just so damn perfect!

In either case, people and circumstances are not always what they appear to be. Aspiring to be like any other parent will always make you feel far from perfect because you can only ever be perfectly you.

Comparing yourself with ‘Wonder Woman’ will not do wonders for your confidence. Nor will striving to be like ‘Superman’ make you really super!

It’s this striving to be someone that you are not, that affects your self-confidence and makes you overreact or submissively retreat and surrender to your child.

Anyway, ‘Perfect Pete’ and ‘Stay at Home Sue’ may not be as perfect as you think.

And you may not be as far from perfect as you may think either.

Sure, ‘Perfect Pete’ nails the work and play scene, but who knows what’s going on behind the scenes? Maybe he’s pulling an ‘Auto Pilot Parent’ move, not there for his kids at home really because he’s got his hands full, meeting his own needs. And as for ‘Super Stay at Home Sue’, she probably has absolutely no time for herself or her own needs, as she’s too busy tending to the demands and needs of others. Making her secretly miserable, resentful and burnt out.

Making neither ‘Perfect Pete’ or ‘Stay at Home Sue’ really all that perfect.

Chances are, their actions come from a deeper need to prove something or to be liked and accepted, rather than being the perfect parent to their kids.

In reality, both of them have a void in their lives their ego is trying to fill. And it’s their egos that are insisting on painting this perfect picture to others, as having or doing it all perfectly.

Don’t worry though if you can identify with either ‘Perfect Pete’ or ‘Stay at Home Sue’ in yourself. One or both of them are part of all of us parents sometimes. 

Just remember, none of us are perfect parents. We all experience difficult times in our lives. And mental health can change for anyone, for better or for worse.

PRO TIP#7 Seek Support

Still not feeling great?

Then tell someone. Its scary stuff being a parent, the level of responsibility is immense. Just getting how you feel out in the open can bring a huge relief.

It’s a brave move to admit you aren’t coping right now, but being honest about how you feel is a powerful sign that you care a lot about your child.

Instead of hiding feelings out of guilt, shame or embarrassment, reach out. There’s always help available when you are open, receptive, and willing to find it. Join parenting or support groups, or talk to your GP or health visitor for further help. When you talk about stuff with others, you’ll be amazed to find you’re not the only one who feels that way.

Reach out to family and friends to help with childcare, so you have time for you to relax and reset and to seek help. There is help out there and you deserve to get it. If you feel stressed out, depressed, anxious, or angry all the time and feel you can’t cope, then consider therapy. A good family therapist, counsellor, parent coach or hypnotherapist can be a great support. I’m here if you fancy a chat, email me [email protected] and we can arrange a time to talk.

If you’re suffering with mental health or have a diagnosed mental health illness and need further support look at Parenting and mental health - Mind and We are Rethink Mental Illness or Parent Talk Cymru provides bilingual parenting support, including online articles and one-to-one chat. There’s also, Time to Change campaigns to change the way people view mental health issues and C.A.L.L. is a confidential helpline for mental health problems. Call: 0800 132 737. As well as the Samaritans Call: 116 123 (24/7). Welsh language line: 0808 164 0123 (7pm–11pm daily).

Until next week,

Stay Present,

Em x