What one thing do you do every day that restricts you in some way?
For me I wear knickers every day.
Today I’m going to break that habit and go commando?
Sounds silly to declare but we all have daily habits. Some are good for us, like brushing our teeth, some are bad for us like smoking, others are just, well, neutral, like wearing knickers, neither good nor bad… just habits.
But do we ever question them?
Rarely, in fact, we do them automatically, without even realising we are doing them.
Today, let’s take some time to, consciously think about our daily habits and ask ourselves;
- Are they helping or hindering us in some way?
- Where did they come from and why?
- Are they still part of the person we have become today or are they out dated and rooted in our past?
- Now, let’s take some action to do something to change the ones that aren’t helpful, and replace them with new beneficial, healthy habits instead.
It’s not always as easy as deciding not to wear knickers, sometimes we need help.
The good news is, there’s always help out there, we just have to seek it.
Hypnotherapy, Counselling and Coaching are great ways to help change, unhelpful, unhealthy habits, self-help books can assist too.
Whatever you choose to help you, the first step is becoming conscious of those habits and admitting we have them. Good Luck!
As a Hypnotherapist, clients often ask me how they can ignore or switch off their thoughts and feelings?
But as a Therapist, I advise them never to ignore them, as they are vital and are actually trying to tell us something.
We don’t want to stop them completely, like we wouldn’t want to stop physical pain, pain prevents us taking a risk too far, for example if we didn’t feel pain when cooking, we could take things out of the oven like we had asbestos fingers, but those fingers wouldn’t end up looking too pretty or lasting very long.
Pain is our signal that something is wrong and needs our attention. If we ignore physical pain and carry on, it gets worse and we may miss something that needs medical attention.
The same with our thoughts, over time constantly ignoring them may lead us down a dark road to depression.
And we certainly don’t want to stop eating food to lose weight, because if we didn’t eat, we’d eventually die of starvation.
But that’s what clients think they want, to stop feeling the pain, or stop eating to lose weight, or stop thinking to feel good again.
Truth be told, we simply can’t ignore what we think and feel for long. Unless we listen and make changes, then those thoughts and feelings will persist until we do.
They are so useful in letting us know things need to change or we do.
Its not a case of eliminating the pain but addressing it, taking steps to ease the pain, and if possible, removing the source of the pain, so the pain disappears naturally.
We can’t stop those thoughts completely either.
Try now not to think of the colour of your front door.
Its impossible because you have to think of the thing first, that you don’t want to think about, to consciously try not to think about it.
Your mind doesn’t differentiate between the positive and the negative, the do and the don’t gets lost in translation, it just registers the image of your front door in your mind. Whether you want that image or not?
And anyone who’s ever gone on a diet will know that, the one forbidden food you are trying to avoid, is the one craving that’s driving you insane.
We have to make friends with our thoughts, feelings and pain, and thank them for bringing light to an area we have been trying to ignore for too long. They are, believe it or not, trying to help us?
You can’t always eliminate people from your life, just like pain you have to find out where the pain is coming from and why? Then ease it or remove yourself from the cause of the pain whenever you can.
But how can you make friends with unwanted thoughts, feelings and pain? Especially when they are so negative in nature and hard to understand?
Just like you would any person you wanted to get along with in life, that you didn’t particularly like or understand.
We simply need to listen. Really actively listen. Give our thoughts, feelings and pain our full attention.
- What exactly are they trying to say?
- Where are they coming from and why?
- What’s caused them to manifest in our lives at this particular point in time?
THE POWER POSITION
To truly listen we have to become objective.
Listening and observing ourselves from the outside, like an outsider looking in. Here we’ll discover the lessons our soul urges us to know or understand.
But we won’t be able to hear anything, if we identify with ourselves and those thoughts, feelings or pain.
So, we must pretend they are not a part of us. They are just momentary experiences passing through, that have come to teach or redirect us in some way?
When we learn how to do this, we neutralise the emotions attached to our thoughts, feelings and pain.
And from this position, we have the power to challenge those unwanted, unwarranted, negative thoughts, feelings and perceived pain produced by the mind and body.
Replacing them with more loving ones, that support positive thoughts, producing good feelings and emotions, and easing some of that physical pain.
Tweeting Out Loud
On Twitter last week I read a tweet that asked;
‘Do you ever want to talk to someone but you feel like you just annoy them so you sit there and don’t say anything and wait and see if they’ll message you first? ………’
And I felt compelled to reply;
‘If you annoy anyone that’s their problem not yours!’
And then I wrote this blog as a result.
Because what you think of yourself is your REAL problem.
Luckily though, it’s easier and possible to change how we think of ourselves but not so easy or even always possible, to change another person’s mind.
JOURNAL YOUR JOURNEY
Writing down our thoughts and feelings every day in a journal, is the most beneficial thing we can do.
It may seem like a chore but how badly do you want to feel good?
I like to do a couple of sentences before bed each night, and again each morning. This way I recap on my day before bed, and wake up emptying what I don’t need to carry in my mind throughout my day.
You don’t have to be good at writing and no ones going to check your spelling, grammar, punctation or even the content you’ve written. Its just for you to write, read and reflect back on personally.
It can be one word or one hundred pages a day. There’s no word counting here.
Just write down basically what you are thinking and how you are feeling. This can help us process the events of the day and the interactions we’ve had with others. Writing things down also puts things into perspective. Things that in the dark of night can keep us awake with fear and worry, can seem trivial when we wake in the light of day, and write these thoughts down. Nothing is ever as bad as our mind likes to magnify things.
Your mind though may resist this new journaling habit, as the minds function is to keep you safe, keep you on alert, and alas, keep your worrying and analysing the past, present and future.
When you write things down, there’s less in your head clouding your judgements. Your mind may worry about losing its control over you and purpose in your life. It’s a faithful friend and servant, but the more friends we make on our journey the merrier, and of course, the easier life becomes. So, introduce your mind to the power of the pen and get those thoughts out of your head and down on paper.
But you can reassure the worrier in you that, you can still have moments in your day to ruminate over the debris of your mind, when you re read your journal and reflect on what you’ve written and what you are going to do about it?
That’s the journals purpose, to show you patterns in your thoughts and behaviour, highlighting when pain is heightened or joy expressed?
Keeping a journal of our thoughts and feelings, can really help us to understand and notice all the above, in our daily lives. Writing down each time we over react, feel angry, stressed, anxious, sad, frustrated, happy or calm, and recording the circumstances that led up towards that reaction, will help us to understand, not only our own reactions, but other peoples too. Including how they felt as a result of how we behaved?
That’s why it’s not only good to understand how we feel, but it’s also useful to know how the impact of what we feel, is having on others.
In the heat of the moment, it is hard to think clearly. On reflection, it’s uncomfortable to see how that has made us behave, and the impact that has had on other people, especially those we love.
This can be shocking when it’s written down and read after some time has elapsed and we have cooled down, but knowing our motives and why we react as we do, helps us to positively change.
When going about our daily business, it’s difficult to decipher what and when exactly we react unconsciously? That’s because much of what we do on a daily basis is unconscious. We live out of habits. Often responding on auto pilot mode. We are in essence oblivious to what is going on around us much of the time.
But when we keep a journal, we notice those responses more and can look for any patterns forming. For example, do we get angry with our children first thing in the morning when we are in a rush to get to work, or last thing at night when we are tired and want to relax?
Armed with this knowledge of why and when, we’re likely to react on Auto Pilot, we can become more aware of when it’s about to happen?
Noticing ourselves getting to that boiling or breaking point, before we erupt or crumble, allows us time to stop ourselves, and decide not to over react.
Then we can start to shift our focus to a more, conscious in the present moment mode.
THINKING OUT LOUD
Writing down how we feel may not come easy, but everyone thinks. So, sometimes when I find a brave, courageous soul in need of help, I ask them for one whole day, to think out loud.
That means instead of hoarding all that negative, mental chatter in their mind, and tightening their muscles with physical stress and dis-ease, to say out loud every thought that they are thinking.
This is extremely hard, as we are so used to thinking inside our head, often the automatic habit goes on unnoticed.
But this exercise helps us to stay present and conscious and to take notice.
It’s good to do when around other people that we interact with on a daily basis. It’s a bitter honesty pill to swallow, both for the giver and receiver of the honesty!
If lived this way everyday as some do, not from choice, others from choice, we’d have no friends or family left. I mean, honestly replying to your wife ‘Yes your bum does look big in that dress!’ Never helped any man or woman ever!
So, choose a day to do this ‘Thinking Out Loud’ exercise, when you won’t be in this position if possible?
But this exercise is good because it means we must either be honest or think nothing at all (which we know, not thinking is impossible)
This can clearly show us who we no longer need in our lives, because we will try to avoid those people on our ‘Thinking Out Loud Day’ through fear of what we might say aloud to them.
Normally, our emotions usually do this job for us, they do the talking without us, especially whenever someone makes us happy or upset. Its illustrated by how angry, upset or happy we react.
But thinking out loud frees our pain, emotions and thoughts, eliminates those negatives we no longer need, and keeps us present in the moment, which in itself, is the best gift to give or receive!
What will you be doing this weekend?
It’s finally Friday!
A chance for us to shut off that constant mental chatter, stress, worry, work and woe.
A time to do those things we love to do, for the sheer enjoyment of doing them.
Freedom to indulge in our pleasures and be with those special people we love?
Hang on…. What do you mean you wish?
What will you be doing this weekend, if not any or all of the above?
We all deserve a break, even You.
Work and Worries Never End!
There’s always going to be laundry in the basket and an un-surmountable pile of paperwork or emails harassing us. Our work doesn’t cease to exist because it’s the weekend either. And those work issues can dwell in our minds constantly if we let them, taking up our time and attention even on our days off.
But when are we free to enjoy life and those we love most?
Totally free to be in the moment and do nothing without feeling guilty?
It’s a rare occasion for most of us.
But this Friday if you only do one thing, free your mind.
We all know this is easier said than done.
But there’s only one way to do it and that’s to, let go and to stay present in the moment. When we focus on the moment, this very minute that we are currently experiencing, we can’t ruminate on the past or worry about the un-lived future. Although that seems so obviously basic, it eludes us all.
We get caught up in the daily, dramas of our everyday lives. The unimportant, insignificant details, that cloud our true purpose and reality.
Robbing us of a life of freedom, and that peace of mind that we all seek but never find for long.
If only we could just temporarily let go?
But the real question is, would you want to let go?
Why not try?
Let go of everything that’s mentally cluttering up your head and watch the fog drift away. Don’t worry it’ll be back tomorrow. But for now, when it’s safe to do so, switch off your electronic devices and all phones.
Make sure no one will disturb you and either sit or lay down somewhere, in a nice comfortable position. Surround yourself with cushions or soft warm blankets if that helps?
And take in some slow deep breathes.
Feel where your tension resides in your body?
We are all different, one person may carry their tension in their neck and shoulders, another in their jaws or buttocks.
Wherever it feels uncomfortable breathe into it, focusing on that place, and allow it to release, as you breathe out gently and slowly.
There’s no -where to go, nothing to do, and no one to see, so you are absolutely free.
Free to let go and relax.
This will be easier for some more than others. But don’t worry about it, that will only restrict and tense you up some more.
Just keep breathing and as you do so, say to yourself;
Don’t just say the words, feel them.
Free Your Mind
Free your mind of mental chatter and you’ll free your muscles of tense matter.
Practice this letting go and breathing to free your mind, until you get bored.
But I warn you, this state of pure relaxation and freedom of thought is addictive and hard to break, but it’s a great habit to make.
So, …. how will you spend your weekend now?
Feel free to let me know!
Sometimes those perceived disappointments in life, such as that lost job opportunity, redundancy, divorce or sickness, all fool us into thinking they are unfortunate events.
That God, The Universe or Lady Luck is not really listening or not really there!
But there’s always a force greater than us at work on our behalf.
Those things are meant to be a way of directing us in a different direction, for good reason. Although that may not be apparent right now, all will become clear in the not so distant future.
FORTUNE CAN MAKE US REDUNDANT
When my Husband was being made redundant, everyone I told sympathized with my plight.
‘Oh, no poor you, what are you going to do?
Not one person could see the positive in the situation.
This amazed me as it was the best thing that could have ever happened to us.
We had spoken of my Husband joining me in my Childminding business as he was working away a lot and travelling home late in the evenings, missing time with our young children. Often, they’d be in bed by the time he arrived home.
My business was growing and I had a waiting list of children waiting for childcare, needing my services but I was limited by how many children I could care for, governed by professional registration.
We didn’t feel brave enough for both of us to take the risk of being self-employed together. On top of that, we knew it would take at least a year for my husband to train and become registered as a childminder, a year of not working we couldn’t afford him to take.
Then like magic, all our prayers had been answered at once.
He was made redundant so he got redundancy pay. Not much but we then had payment protection on our mortgage which paid our mortgage for a whole year, plus they had a back to work incentive and paid for his training to become a childminder. By the time the payment protection had ended, he was registered and able to start working straight away, and we have never looked back.
A PRICELESS OPPORTUNITY
We spend every day together, while he has played with, cared for, and watched our children grow up. Being a hands-on Dad has enabled him to take our children to and from school every day and watch their school concerts.
As well as all of those lovely perks, we have expanded our business to twice its size, earning us more income than we’ve ever had, all from the comfort of our family home. No more commuting cross country, with the added blessing that our house is always filled with children, who fill our home and life with love and laughter, which is priceless.
Had we perceived the redundancy as negative, it could well have taken us on a different path.
Life knew better than us, she had a better, bigger more loving plan for not only us, but the hundreds of children including our own, that we’ve had the pleasure of taking care of over the years.
Sometimes all we can see is our current circumstances, and if they don’t look too good at the time, life can get us down. My life story, like most peoples, didn’t start off too good but turned out even better than I could ever have imagined. It too has a positive redundancy story line.
It started with a list.
I remember while in work, bored one day in a photographic retail job, for no reason, grabbing a piece of paper from the printer and making a five-year plan.
Well it was a list really of five things I wanted to achieve, within the next five years. It went something like this.
- Give up smoking.
- Get married in the Caribbean.
- Buy a house.
- Have two children a boy and a girl specifically.
- Have my own business working from home.
Again, as if by magic it would seem Lady Life was humorously looking down upon my list and as a sarcastic joke, offered me the opposite to what I wanted…or did she?
My plans to buy the house I was renting were dashed within days of writing that list, with news that, I was being faced with redundancy as where I worked was closing down.
My then boyfriend also decided to leave me, which seen my smoking habit increase, and demolished my plans of getting married in the Caribbean and having two children.
But actually, Lady Life heard me.
She knew what I wanted and she cleared the way for me to recognize its possibility in my life.
Some may have temporarily given up on their dreams at this point.
I was at an all-time low and my Nan who had brought me up as my Mum, had died too at the same time.
That’s when I was head hunted. I was sat in work seeing out my final weeks before redundancy, wondering what on earth I was going to do, when a manager from a business next door came in and asked me to go for an interview, as they were looking for someone to do what I was doing, selling digital cameras in their company!!!
I was reluctant to go for the interview at first, as it was doing the same boring job I was already doing, which I hated. Fortunately, my current manager urged me to go for the interview in order to keep my options open, as time was running out and I hadn’t even looked for another job yet. So, I went for the interview.
As I wasn’t keen on getting the job I was quite laid back, calm and relaxed in the interview. So much so, I had blagged a huge pay rise compared to what I was earning in my current job.
I had negotiated saying I earnt more when I didn’t, and that I wanted to earn more than that again. They didn’t hesitate in giving me what I asked for. I was one of the highest paid sales person’s on a salary, in the whole company. Having this new job and increase in income, I applied for a mortgage as quick as I could, (banks were not willing to lend you money unless you had been in your job at least six months) so I had to act fast before I left my old job and started my new one, which was weeks away.
The mortgage went through within weeks, and was final just as I started my new job. That was one thing achieved from my five-year plan already.
Then in my new job I met my husband. We were engaged within six months of getting together, married in the Caribbean within ten months. I gave up smoking to try for a baby. Then started a childminding business from home a year later, when we had our first baby, a little girl. Two years later our son arrived.
Unbeknown to me, I had ticked all five things off my five-year plan, within five years.
It wasn’t until years later when I found that piece of paper, that I had scribbled that list on out of boredom one day, that I realise what had manifested in my life as a result, without any real expectation or effort on my part.
One of the most powerful tools for creating a life we love is the humble written word.
It doesn’t matter how we freeze those words in physical form, either by writing to -do -lists, five- year plans or keeping journals or diaries? Our written thoughts, feelings and intentions, excel their physical creation.
I don’t know why? or how? This is such a powerful way to create our lives.
But I know without a doubt, it is.
We all need goals to succeed in life but it’s not just about the end result.
On the journey towards our goal, our own happiness along the way, is more important than the end destination of achieving the goal itself.
It’s all about the day to day process of creating or learning that is significant. We all want to succeed in achieving our goals to feel good, therefore feeling good is the ultimate goal.
With that in mind, here are some pointers that can help us to feel good while working towards our goals.
CHOOSE WORTH WHILE GOALS
We need goals that personally mean something to us. If we have a goal to quit smoking because our partner wants us to, we are less likely to stick at it and succeed.
TAKE SMALL STEPS
It’s good to keep the end result in mind but sometimes this can be overwhelming, especially to begin with. Break goals down into small, easy, manageable steps and work towards goals gradually.
Goals give us direction and intention in the moment, but we can only find enthusiasm and motivation, if the steps that lead to our goals are enjoyable and worthwhile.
Goals need to be achievable. If our ambitions are getting us down or are too difficult and challenging, they’ll only serve to make us feel defeated, instead of successful.
Wanting to lose weight for example, is not specific enough. We have to decide how much weight we want to lose exactly. What’s the ideal weight we are aiming for or clothes size we want to be?
SET A TIME SCALE
When exactly do you want to achieve your goal?
By July the fourth 2019 is a definite date and better than saying, ‘Before I go on holiday’
You are more likely to achieve your goal with a time scale set.
MEASURE PROGRESS & RESULTS
By being specific about what you want and when, you can measure how you are doing.
If your goal is to lose 2 stone by July 2019 and you’ve already lost a stone by November 2018, you know you are half way there and that it’s a realistic goal that’s achievable.
Decide that today is going to be the day you start.
Set a goal and stick to it!
Then give it all you’ve got, unless of course it’s not working.
Sometimes things change, so don’t be afraid to change your goals if needs be.
There’s little point carrying on in pursuit of a goal, if it’s no longer suitable, working or fulfilling us in some way.
It’s hard to recover and bounce back from failure or challenges, if our only focus is on successfully achieving a goal.
Switching our focus to the process of learning, and prioritising our happiness and well -being along the way, will build resilience.
Resilience comes from understanding that it’s not failure or what goes wrong that’s the problem, it’s our own expectations and how we deal with it, and how good we are at being able to pick ourselves back up again and carry on.
KEEP THE FAITH
We need to build inner strength and faith.
We may not always see how something is going to turn out or know exactly what we have to do?
But we can still stay faithful to our goals and dreams.
Every cloud has a silver lining, if we can identify any good that comes from seemingly negative experiences, then we will be more inclined to learn and bounce back from them, and try again.
By keeping focused on the positive and looking for the good in everything, we will eventually find it, and less likely to feel helplessly beaten by negativity.
Sometimes it’s just a case of changing our perspective, other times our behaviour.
Our actions and the way we feel, is important to reaching our goals.
No one else can actually make us feel happy, upset or angry.
How we feel is our own responsibility.
It’s up to us to choose our response, we have the ability to respond to others and circumstances any way we choose. When we can take responsibility and still stay positive and upbeat when others aren’t, or when things are not going right, we will be the master of our own emotions and be able achieve our goals no matter what.
LEARN FROM FAILURE
We are not a failure if we don’t succeed or reach our goals, we are a success because we tried.
As Edison said about discovering a certain filament, in inventing an electric light bulb;
‘I didn’t fail a thousand times; I found a thousand ways that it wouldn’t work!’
Despite the many failures, he eventually found that filament, had he given up trying, we may all still be sat in the dark today?
His best teacher was failure. Keep that in mind before you even consider giving up!
NEVER GIVE UP
Edison was also quoted as saying;
‘Many of life’s failures are, people who didn’t realise how close they were to success when they gave up.’
When the going gets tough remember this motto:
‘Winners never quit and quitters never win!’
It may be April already, but don’t give up on your good goal’s guys!
Come New Year 2020, you’ll be glad you persevered.
As long as we can remember that the ultimate goal is always happiness, this will not only help us to succeed but it’ll help us to Stay Present!
Motivation is what gets us going on our dreams and desires.
In the beginning we are full of big ideas and goals. We feel enthusiastic and inspired. We even jump out of bed excited to get going on those goals.
Then after a couple of days, weeks, months or maybe even years, our motivation starts dwindling.
We start wondering why our dreams have not yet materialised into reality?
Negativity and self- doubt creeps in to comfort us, telling us;
‘You don’t need to put yourself through this.’
‘Your life is good enough as it is, let those fairy-tale fantasies go!’ or ‘Who do you think you are you’re no real, artist, actress, entrepreneur, writer, musician, mum, dad, manager, teacher, politician or whatever else you set out and aspired to become?
We question why we even started to begin with and who or why are we doing it all for anyway?
The Key to Motivation is Motive
The truth is motivation doesn’t last. Its just like brushing your teeth, it’s a habit you have to acquire over time. You wouldn’t stop brushing your teeth because you couldn’t be bothered though, would you?
You know over time that would affect your good looks and how others saw you.
And it’s the same when we can’t be bothered to work on our goals and dreams. Overtime we don’t feel good, unfulfilled dreams can leave a bad taste in our mouths and like rotten teeth eat away at us. Others start to notice our slovenly self-care and can see every time that we open our mouth that we’ve lost our mojo.
But it’s never too late!
We can get that energy, passion, zest for life and motivation back. As long as we are alive, we can get our mojo back no matter what.
The Dream Weaver
So, dust off your dream’s tomorrows a new day.
Today start dreaming BIG!
No BIGGER still.
What is it you really, really want in your life?
While we are at the dreaming stage anything is possible. New home, new career, new relationship, new business venture or travel adventure, new body, new lifestyle, new YOU?
It’s all there ready and waiting for you to get started on your dreams.
You know its possible because you see others achieving exactly what you want to achieve. And deep down you know they are no different or no better than you.
In fact, the only difference between those who are living their dreams and You, is that they are taking action and are motivated to do something, while you are still at the dreaming stage.
Hopefully you’ll soon get bored, angry and frustrated just dreaming. Then tomorrow the fun begins!
If the thought of your goals and dreams just overwhelms you with its grandness, don’t worry.
You won’t get far feeling overwhelmed, fearful or anxious.
If you’ve heard you have to work hard to get anywhere, forget that too!
It’s working happier, not harder.
You will achieve far more and feel more enjoyment and satisfaction, by being relaxed and happy when, enjoying the journey towards your goal, than you ever will from working hard, stressing out and getting impatient.
Its about enjoying the process. You’ve probably heard that a million times? That’s because it so true.
I’m addicted to doing courses. I’m driven like an obsessed learning junkie, who needs her fix of info and education. Every course I pay to enrol on is completely different because I like a challenge (and I get bored easily!!!) And every course I try to race through, so I can start the next…although I always promise my husband ‘No really this course will be my last.’
I just want the buzz of completion, but what always happens?
At the end, I just feel a bit deflated. A little sad even. Its like getting to the end of a good book or film that you wanted to go on forever.
I’ve come to realise that, I actually enjoy learning and doing the courses themselves, not for the recognition, certification, qualifications or whatever else comes at the end.
And so it is with any goal or dream. It’s the fun, enjoyment and anticipation of a goal or dream, that’s far more exciting, than the goal or dream itself.
Hang onto that sentence whenever you are feeling a bit demotivated, it’ll help you get going again.
If it doesn’t, then the goal or dream probably isn’t really YOUR goal or dream? Or isn’t something that you sincerely dream about, that still excites you?
When I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar (well steakhouse really) I was a lost, innocent naive teen. I had no goals or dream or direction. I was carried along day to day, like driftwood. I was studying at college but just didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life?
Suddenly the allure of the late nights working in the busy city centre, a promotion, and what seemed like a lot of money to me back then, tempted me to work in that restaurant full time.
Then I was stuck!
Don’t get me wrong, it was one of the best, most entertaining, interesting, enjoyable jobs I have ever done. But it just wasn’t going to get me anywhere. I went as far as I could there and then I started feeling like a prisoner, who could not escape, and wouldn’t know where to go or what to do if I did?
Then one day a chef there gave me a book that was to change my life forever.
The Magic of Thinking BIG by David J. Schwartz
It really was a magically experience for me and it significantly shifted my perception of both life and myself.
And I’ve been thinking BIG ever since.
This has helped motivate me on my darkest days. I’ve read the book a few times but not in the last twenty years or so, but the lessons I learnt in those pages are timeless gifts, that have helped me achieve most of what I have set out to, so far.
We should never stop dreaming.
But dreams are rarely achieved over night (unless like me you meet the man of your dreams or unlike me, win the lottery!)
Dreams take love, commitment, motivation and dedication.
You have to be dedicated. And this means taking those small steps towards your dreams and goals, each and every day.
If taken step by step, little by little, putting all those steps together, any goal or dream becomes manageable and eventually complete. I started off with the dream of writing a parenting self- help book, (I knew how important these books can be and how they can actually change lives, as I’ve had several helping me out along the way)
I started small with one word at a time, which led to a page, a page led to a chapter and well ten years later, I now have four books ready to publish. I didn’t plan on a quartet, I was just enjoying the process so much (and at times hating it…. editing!!!) that I didn’t want it to end, so I never stopped writing.
If you are faced with a problem or are feeling overwhelmed, break it down in to stages. Dealing with it bit by bit, will make it less daunting, easier and quicker to solve.
Using this method, we can learn to do anything, no matter how difficult it initially seems. All we have to do is recognise the small achievements along the way but most importantly, be supportive, encouraging, and loving of ourselves, for all of our efforts, not just for our achievements. As long as progress is being made so will mistakes. But we can’t let them deter us or be our excuse to quit. These are our greatest teachers, but we’ll leave failure as our option for next time.
Until then, Stay Present,
We all have dreams and desires in life.
For most of us that’s what they stay, far off dreams or longing desires unfulfilled.
I know right now reading this, you can think of one thing you’ve always wanted to do, be or achieve.
But for whatever reason life has gotten in the way?
You may have a number of reasons why you can’t achieve your dreams and desires right now.
Maybe you are waiting for the children to grow up?
Maybe you need more money or more time?
More knowledge, education or experience?
Maybe someone else to help you?
Maybe inspiration to strike or motivation to move you?
But I can guarantee you that in ten years’ time, you will still have one or more or maybe all, of the above to stop you realising your dreams.
How do I know? Because just like you I have too.
Ten years ago, I set out to write a book.
In that ten years I’ve had two children to bring up, two businesses to run, hundreds of other children to care for, family tragedy and illness, home extensions to contend with and about twenty different educational courses to complete.
Now my young children are teens. I’ve still got my businesses doing well. I’ve gained a massive amount of experience, caring for so many different children and seeing therapy clients. I’ve overcome the loss of loved ones and family illness. My home extension along with all my educational courses are complete.
Yet one thing remains unfinished…….
Yes, my manuscript.
Don’t get me wrong its finished in so far as its written. In fact, I’ve enough material for four books. Its just I’m still editing it. And editing it. And yes, you’ve guessed it, still editing it.
I’m waiting for it to be perfect, then I’ll wait for the perfect time. And then well quite frankly, if I keep waiting that may never come.
Striving for perfection in an imperfect world is impossible.
Perfectionism is the weed that thinks it’s a flower.
So, lets waste no more time striving for it!
As Charles Darwin was quoted as saying;
‘A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.’
What do you need more time to do, be or have?
Tick Tock Goes the Clock!
A clock tick for all of us, silently somewhere. And one is ticking now for you.
One day it will be too late to; travel the world, spend more time playing with the kids, to write that book, take that study course or do that job.
Too late to find that relationship that you’ve always dreamed of.
And too late to tell someone you are sorry or that you love them.
Too late to be the real you, the person deep inside that you know you can and want to be.
And too late to live the life you deserve to live.
Now is the time to act. Today, this minute, is the only time you are promised.
Joan Rivers while she was alive, was once quoted as saying
‘Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present!’
The past is gone; the future is not guaranteed, but today, everything is possible.
‘No time’ – Is an excuse.
‘Later when the time is right’ – Is procrastination.
Now is the time to act, before our fears of time running out become a reality.
Time Stands Still for No Man or Woman
It’s ironic how time only stands still, when something catastrophic happens in our lives.
Someone we love dies.
We receive a diagnosis from the doctor.
Our partner leaves us for someone else.
We lose our job or home.
Suddenly, it’s like we are frozen still in time.
For once, we stop being busy doing nothing, and become still.
Bewildered by how everyone else is still busy around us, getting on with their lives, oblivious to what is happening in our world.
Abruptly we wake from our dream or nightmare, crashing back to reality with an urgency, to do those things we always wanted to do, but just never had enough time.
We are all just waiting our whole lives for;
The time to be right.
To be ready.
To be old enough.
To have enough experience, knowledge, support, money or time!
But when is the time ever right?
When will it be the right time for you to follow your dreams, and live your life the way you want to?
What are you waiting for?
Mind Your Own Business
Mind your own business and you’ll see results. News, social media and so and so next door, is nothing to do with you. Focus on where you are going and don’t get side tracked by other people’s lives.
And never repress your dreams as unachievable right now. If you want to be a dancer dance now, if you want to be a singer, sing now, if you want to be an actor then act now, if you want to be an artist, paint now, and if you want to write, write now. Or whatever else it is, that you are yearning to do, have or become?
Another quote I love is by Audrey Hepburn;
‘Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I’m possible’
You got this!
Just start right now and never doubt yourself. Leave that for others to waste their time doing and know that if others are doubting you, it’s because of their own unfulfilled dreams, that they’ve buried through fear.
Still feeling de motivated or struggling to get started on your dreams and goals?
Don’t worry, we all need a cheering squad sometimes. Unfortunately, the people we tend to turn to for support, such as family and friends, can unintentionally influence us to go off course.
And even after ten years, I still feel uncomfortable when I receive those blank stares and awkward silences, whenever I admit that I’m writing a book.
But don’t give up!
When you find the right person to be accountable to, your commitment and success ratio will increase considerably.
You’ll lose that weight, find that dream job or partner, or get that book published!
You are imperfectly perfect for that role but if you want motivation and inspiration, then follow my blog for a weekly boost or let’s make friends on social media and support one another along the way.